Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
