I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
as a side note pls kill me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
