I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
