Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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