And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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