what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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