I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
