i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
