I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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