I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
