ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
