I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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