Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
