I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
