i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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