I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
