before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
