It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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