She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was not drunk enough for that final.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
