My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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