there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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