so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
