sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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