I wish I could teleport
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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