I skipped work to stalk him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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