Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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