So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
