I hate your face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
