just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
