Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
