my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
