I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
