We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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