I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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