Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
