with your own penis?
vagina is talking i cant
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
