He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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