1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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