I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
