the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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