Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
