I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
