I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
