I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
