I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
