so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
