well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
should my penis look like a turkey
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
