It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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