i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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