the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
