Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
